Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
