Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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