So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
