I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
