now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They have beer where we have blood.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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