So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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