i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am naked and annoyed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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