I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
only you would photoshop your dick
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
