i just had sex bonerless
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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