So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
