pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she peed on how many people?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
