My underwear smells like fireworks.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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