I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
