just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
