god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
