Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
