Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize