i think i have two assholes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
