he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
