i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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