I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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