When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
