I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
