Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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