You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
