I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
