Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
