Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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