I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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