He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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