it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
