He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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