I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
