I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
