omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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