I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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