I need help removing her.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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