She said her name was "party"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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