eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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