you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
