If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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