youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
