So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
