some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
