When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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