You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
