forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
