dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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