Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize