so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Who put my cat in the fridge?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
dude. I can hear the air.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
