oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
