Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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