new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Rumble strips road head = magical
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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