i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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