I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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