38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
