You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
