Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
