Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
