I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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