did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
