For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dear god my vagina.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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