I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
