Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.

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(315): View more from New York

idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me

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(418): View more from Quebec

I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.

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(614): View more from Ohio

My ATM looks so different sober.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I wish I could just hang out in ERs.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.

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(239): View more from Florida

Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.

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