you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There r osticjed everywhere
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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