You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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