i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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