im gay
i know
yea but for you.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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