This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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