Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
