fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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