I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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