My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
