Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
