At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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